just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
