from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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