I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
