I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
