This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
