Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
