I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
