yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
