Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
