i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My vagina just clenched in fear
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
