Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
