I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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