I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
