There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I intend to get homeless drunk
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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