saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
