oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
