I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
