it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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