Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
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