sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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