Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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