I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
