Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
