i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
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