dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
