it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
