Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
