youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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