Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
