oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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