I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
All I want is dick and wine.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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