I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
