Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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