Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
