I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
