this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
