Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
it glows. i had to have it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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