My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
