i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
