im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
