party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
