you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
