I'm lost and stupid without you.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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