I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
