I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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