ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
