I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
