my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
