fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
