this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
