3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
