On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
