Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
