I must be too annoying 4 u.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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